I’m Running for Office Against Smokey Bear
Let me start by saying thank you for continuing to listen to the Flakes with all of the political ads that are on right now. But those ads got me thinking a little bit.
All of these attack ads are just SO negative. It's like nobody running for office has anything but attack ads. Yet I've met several of our politicians and actually like several of them as people.
So, I thought I would write an imaginary attack ad all about my opponent in the upcoming election. Smokey Bear.
My opponent spends too much time talking about public lands. He says that "Only YOU can prevent forest fires," then why do we need him telling us the same thing over and over? And don't we still have forest fires every year all across America?
This guy has never worked in the public sector. He has never paid one cent in taxes. Not one cent.
The guy has been a government employee since 1946. Why won't he tell us how old he is? Mr. Bear, how can we trust you with any authority if you won't even tell us how old you are?
While I'm out campaigning and listening to voters' concerns on the COVID-19 response, taxes, and freedoms being taken away, you're demonstrating how to pick the best spot for a campfire, and how to extinguish one. America needs a leader who is "Bearly" in town.
What do you think? Do you think I'll win the election? It's hard to say because I haven't heard his attack ad on my campaign.